Matthew: Pursuing in Sin (18:10-20)

This sermon was preached to Grace Church Guildford on 19 November 2023. The audio recording of the sermon can be found below along with the transcript.

What does love look like? I imagine for most of us, the first thing that comes to mind is a romantic relationship. The giving of flowers, going on dates, and lots of Xs and Os at the end of our messages. In short, love looks a lot like Valentine’s Day. That’s the main image our culture has for love. And yet, when we stop to consider the question, we realise that there are other kinds of love all around us. For love comes in many different forms. Take the average everyday family as an example. Yes, between the husband and wife, love may sometimes look like Valentine’s Day. But for many other days, indeed most other days, in the year, love just looks like doing the dishes, or working hard to provide for the home. In a family, love can also be seen between any children they have. Love looks like two siblings: playing together, sharing toys, looking out for one another. And in a family, love also sometimes looks like discipline. When children disobey, they are disciplined by their parents. The child is sent to a step or told to apologise to their sibling. And we all know that such discipline, when done appropriately, is a form of love. And so, sometimes in a family, love means that we have hard conversations, show that actions have consequences, not only woo, but also warn. That’s true in all of our families and tonight we will see it is also true in God’s family.

Over the last few weeks, we have heard this sermon of Jesus’ in Matthew 18 is all about the church being both a kingdom and a family. This kingdom of Christ which is also the family of God. And so last week in 18:1-5, Jesus told us that to belong in the church, you must humbly become a child of God. That is what a Christian is. A Christian is God’s child, and the church is God’s family. However, from 18:6, Jesus ensures we don’t get the wrong impression about this family, have unrealistic expectations about the church, for he spends the rest of this chapter showing us that God’s family still stumbles and struggles with sin. Just as in our earthly family, life in this heavenly family can be messy. Last week, in 18:6-9, we heard how we can protect each other from sin. Next week, from 18:21, we learn how to pardon one another for sin. However, here tonight, in 18:10-20, Jesus teaches us how to pursue each other in sin. Here we see what love looks like when a brother or sister wanders away from the family and falls into sin. Tonight, we will see this in two sections: (1) The Love of the Father (18:10-14); (2) The Love of the Family (18:15-20).

1.     THE LOVE OF THE FATHER (18:10-14)

I’m not sure if you noticed in the news recently, there was a story about a Scottish sheep called Fiona. Two years ago, Fiona strayed from her flock and somehow ended up stranded at the bottom of cliff right beside the sea. The cliff was 250m tall and the land she was on was cut off by the water. And so, Fiona was given the title of the loneliest lost sheep in Britain. In 18:12-13, we read of a similarly lost sheep in one of Jesus’ most famous parables: [READ].

The story is about a shepherd looking for his lost sheep. It seems that while he counted his sheep into the fold one night, this shepherd realised that one of his flock had wandered off. And so, he immediately goes to look for them, and does not rest until the lost sheep is rescued and safely brought back home. It’s a story that many, if not most, of you will have heard before. You can find it in its fuller and more famous form in Luke 15, where Jesus uses it to tell us of God’s desire to save those who are lost outside the church. There the story focuses on evangelism. Whereas here, in Matthew 18, the story is used again but with a slightly different emphasis. Here it speaks not of those lost outside the church, but those wandering away from the church. Those who were once part of God’s family, God’s flock, but have since fallen into sin, wandered astray. We see this from the setting around this story, for the point of the parable appears in both 18:10 and 18:14.

There before it, in 18:10, we are told that Jesus is talking about God’s little ones, those who have become his children and come into the church in 18:1-9. We see there that these little ones are precious to God. It is unclear what the reference to angels in 18:10 implies, some think it is refers to the work of guardian angels. However, whatever it implies, the main point is clear. Jesus declares that even the littlest child of God, the least Christian, is respected and represented in the courts of heaven, before the face of this king on his throne.

Just as with physical families, where every child matters to their parents, we see here every child in this spiritual family matters to God. The Father in heaven looks out for and loves, every member of his family on earth. And that is Matthew’s emphasis at the end of the parable in 18:14 as well, where we read that ‘in the same way’ as a good shepherd goes to seek a single lost sheep, ‘your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.’ Here we see that in the family of God, love means looking for the sheep that is lost, bringing back those who wander away. Such is the love of the Father in Heaven for his family, it seems that he will go to any length to rescue his children.

That is of course what we have been considering throughout our service so far. For the greatest demonstration of love that this world has ever seen has been exactly that: the Father in heaven going to great lengths to rescue those who are lost on earth. As we read at the start of our service from 1 John 4:10, ‘This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.’ If you want to know what love looks like tonight, the Bible says you see it most clearly at the cross. In Isaiah 53, we are told that we all like sheep have gone astray, every one of us has turned to our own way. We are lost and face eternal danger because of our sin. We deserve to perish, face the fires of Hell and the eternal flames that Jesus speaks of back in 18:8-9. But here in 18:14, we see that the Father is not willing that any of his children perish like that. And so the Bible tells us that, in love, he sent the good shepherd to seek and save the lost, to lay down his life, so we can be brought back home. On the cross, Jesus Christ suffered for the sin of his people. Paid the ransom to rescue all who will come to him.  So that those who deserve to perish, will never perish.

If you are here tonight and are not a Christian, never belonged to a church, don’t even know much about church, the Bible says that no matter how lost your life is, no matter how far you have wandered into sin, Jesus is able to save you. No matter what obstacle he needs to overcome, he can rescue you. If you leave your sin, and begin to believe in and follow him, you will find yourself brought into God’s family, loved like one of his little children.

That’s true for you tonight if you are not a Christian, if you have never had faith in Christ before. But it is also true for you tonight if you have wandered away from God’s family, stumbled into sin, left and lost your first faith. Maybe you are here tonight, and you once called yourself a Christian, but you no longer live like it. Perhaps you grew up in church, once made a profession of faith, but recently you’ve allowed sin to strangle your spiritual life, dull your desires for God, whether other people have noticed or not, you’ve wandered far from your Father in heaven. If so, then see here in 18:14, that your Father still loves you, and he wants you to come back. You need not fear that your Father will not forgive you. For 18:13 tells us, that he will rejoice over you more than he even rejoices over all of his other children. For your Father is not willing to see you perish. God loves you, and he will not leave you in your sin. Instead, if you return back to him, he will rescue you, no matter what sin you have stumbled into, he will rejoice over you again.

2.     THE LOVE OF THE FAMILY (18:15-20)

This is really the emphasis and main message of our passage. We see that from how Jesus began it in 18:10, where we read: ‘See that you do not despise one of these little ones...’. Yes, we have heard of the love of the Father for the lost. But the point of the passage is that the family must also love the lost. And not just the lost outside the church, through evangelism, as wonderful as that is, but those who are lost from the church. Those who have wandered away, fallen into sin.

Two years after Fiona ended up at the bottom of that cliff, her farmer finally worked out how to rescue her. He assembled a team of local climbers, who climbed 250m down the cliff face, attached a winch to Fiona, and a group of local farmers pulled her back up the cliff. She now resides at an unknown location to avoid unwanted media attention. That is how the loneliest sheep in Britain was finally rescued. And we see a rescue mission of sorts in our text as well. For having told us of the Father’s desire to rescue his lost children, to see none of them perish, Jesus now tells us how the family can conduct a rescue mission. If, in 18:10-14, we have the motive for a rescue mission, here, in 18:15-20, we have the method for a rescue mission. Or if you want to put it another way: one of the key differences between this parable in Matthew 18, and the version in Luke 15, is that here it is not Christ who goes to bring back the lost sheep. No, it is the church that goes to bring them back. For in 18:15, we read: [READ][...].

What follows in the rest of our passage is a three-stage process for such a rescue mission. There in 18:15, we are given the first stage, which we will call: (1) The Personal Encounter. For in 18:15, we are told: [READ].  Prayer and careful consideration are often needed to work out when we should speak to someone about their sin. And it is important that we realise that we must not confront every person we ever suspect might be in sin. For, as we read in 1 Peter 4:8, we are to let love cover a multitude of sins. We are to bear with each other, turn the other cheek in love where necessary. And yet, we must also remember, as one writer puts it, while we are to bear with weakness, we must not overlook wickedness (Brunner). And so, historically, Christians have said that where we see a brother or sister from our local church in clear sin, we must speak to them, confront them.

By clear sin, we mean sin that can be proved, established by clear evidence. For example, it is hard to say when someone is committing the sin of envy, for that is internal and only God can see our hearts. But it is quite clear when someone commits certain sexual sins, like sleeping with a boyfriend or watching porn. For those are outward sins, and the external action proves the existence of internal guilt. Similarly, it is hard to prove someone is slipping into pride. But if someone stops coming to church, regularly neglects church gatherings for a prolonged period, without having a good reason, then they are evidently in sin, for Hebrews 10:25 tells us that we must not give up meeting together, but we must continue to gather with our church family. Indeed, in many ways, wandering away from church is the clearest example we have of the kind of sin that Jesus is speaking of here in Matthew 18. For withdrawing from the fellowship of the church, no longer coming to services, no longer living life with other members, is literally wandering away from the family, disappearing off like a lost sheep from the rest of the flock.

And we see here in Matthew 18, that in such cases, going to speak to that brother or sister about such sin is not an option, it is a command. It is not just an opportunity we have, but it is a responsibility we have. If we clearly know that a brother or sister is in sin, then 18:15 says that we must go and speak to them about it. Indeed, failing to do so is not love, but hate. To leave them to perish in sin, is to despise them (18:10) and go against the desire of our Father in heaven (18:14). Indeed, doing so repeats the mistakes of his people in the Old Testament, for in Ezekiel 34:4, the Lord rebuked and condemned Israel by saying, ‘You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost...My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth and no one searched or looked for them.’ Brothers and sisters, may that same rebuke not be said of us. If you see a fellow member here at Grace Church in clear sin, then you must go and speak with them about it. God commands you to go, Jesus tells you to speak. For if you love them, you cannot leave them to perish in sin. That is not what love in God’s family looks like. For neither the Father nor the family should be willing to see that little one perish.

In 18:15, we are told when to go. However, we are also told how to go. Other passages in the Bible are helpful as well. For example, Galatians 6:1 tell us to speak to them gently about their sin. However, here another emphasis we see is privacy. For Jesus tells us to ‘point out their fault, just between the two of you’. This process starts as privately as possible, with no one else knowing about it. If you are to confront one of your siblings about their sin, you must speak to them directly about it, not speak to everyone else about it! Now I think there can sometimes be a place for speaking to another mature Christian, such as an elder or FG leader, if you really do need help or advice about how to approach them. But that won’t always be necessary, and the circle should be kept as small as possible. For after all, you might be wrong! They may have stopped coming to church due to some exceptional circumstance you don’t know about. Or it might be that they were acting strangely at the Christmas party, not because they had drunk too much, like you thought, but just because they are socially a little strange. And by going to speak to them about such things directly, you make sure, if you get it wrong, you haven’t ruined their reputation by telling others about it.

In 18:15, we are told when to go and how to go. But we are also told why we should go. For Jesus finishes, ‘If they listen to you, you have won them over.’ Jesus is very clear here that the goal of confrontation is restoration. The ultimate purpose of this process is not to make people feel guilty about their sin, or make us feel self-righteous. The whole point is that we might ‘win them over’. The goal is that, if they have wandered away from the family, they might be won back. They may see the danger of their sin and turn back in repentance and faith to Jesus again. And praise God, that is what often happens when others shine a spotlight on our sin. For that is how we see things about ourselves that we had overlooked, and so we are convicted and challenged, and God uses that to change us! If you want a wonderful biblical example of that, just go and read the story of how the prophet Nathan confronted King David in 2 Samuel 12. There God used the challenge of Nathan to humble David after his sin with Bathsheba, bringing him to repentance and restoring him to God again. And brothers and sisters, God can do the same through us today. And if he does, if a brother or sister is won back, if a lost sheep is brought back, we should rejoice over them just as that shepherd rejoice over the sheep in 18:13. The church is to be a place where wandering sinners are always welcomed home, when brothers and sisters who have gone astray, are always met with open arms.

Praise God that such a restoration often takes place after the first stage of this process, as we look out for and love each other by pointing out sin in one another’s lives. However, in 18:16, we see that if a personal encounter fails to produce such repentance, the rescue mission must continue to the second stage, that of: (2) Private Escalation. In 18:16 we read: [READ]. In many ways, this second step is a lot like the first one. For it once again involves going directly to the person in a relatively private setting. The difference is that this time, you are not to go alone. For you are to bring one or two others along with you to speak with them about their sin. And Jesus gives the reason for this in 18:16, explaining that: [READ]. That is a direct quote from Deuteronomy 19:15, which sets out legal requirements for evidence in the courts of Israel. Here Jesus is stressing that the presence of others may not only prompt them to take their sin more seriously, but prepare the way for the third stage of the process. For if you are to bring the charge before the whole church, you will need to present evidence that the person remains unrepentant, is refusing to turn away from their sin. And these other individuals will be able to testify to that, if that is the case.

It doesn’t say here who the one or two others should be. However, normal wisdom suggests that, if possible, they should be people that know and love the wanderer, and perhaps also see the presence of the same sin in their lives. Similarly, if a more mature Christian, such as an elder, hasn’t been involved before this part of the process, it is usually a good idea to involve them now, have them come along to speak to the wanderer with you at this point. It is also unlikely this stage would involve a single conversation. It will probably involve many interactions, where the member in sin is given the chance to consider your concerns, and come back with any questions or comments they may have. However, if after a period of time, the sin is still clear, and they refuse to repent, to leave their sin and come back to the family, then Jesus tells us to proceed to the third stage in 18:17, where we read: [READ].

This third stage could be called: (3) Public Excommunication. However, it is important to see that even at this point, the purpose is still to call the wanderer back to the flock. Having kept the matter as private as possible, for as long as possible, it is finally shared with the whole church, and so becomes public. This is a final attempt to call them to repentance, to have the other brothers and sisters who know and love them, also reach out to them. If they listen to the church, respond to the whole family calling out for them to return, then they are restored and rejoiced over! But if they still refuse to repent, even when the whole church is calling them back, then Jesus says, we are to “treat them as you would a pagan [gentile] or a tax collector.”

If that language seems harsh to you, remember Jesus was the friend of gentiles and tax collectors. In Matthew, he reaches out to them again and again! Jesus never treated gentiles or tax collectors coldly or callously. However, he recognised they were outside the community of faith, not part of God’s people, Israel at the time. And that is what Jesus is saying here. If a member of the church refuses to repent at this stage, they are to be removed from the community of the church. Of course, they are still welcome at services, as all outsiders are. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have done, you are always welcome in our services and to listen to God’s Word. But until they repent of sin again, they are no longer members of the church. For it is no longer possible for us to see them as a Christians, their lives don't allow us to say that about them anymore. They are no longer part of the family, for they are no longer fighting their sin.

To remove someone from church membership, to declare that their life no longer allows us to call them a Christian, is a significant step. And yet, in 18:18-20, we see that Jesus tells us that, as his church, we have authority to do this. In 18:18-20, we read: [READ]. You can see there are two statements there: [...]. And these two statements are of such significance that I could spend a whole sermon discussing their implications! We know this passage is bound to be significant, afterall it is one of only two places in the Bible that Jesus explicitly mentions the church. The word ‘church’ is recorded as coming from Jesus’ mouth on only two occasions. First in Matthew 16, and then here in Matthew 18. And on both occasions, Jesus also uses this language in 18:18 of binding and loosing, which back in Matthew 16 referred to the use of the keys of his kingdom. And so, here Jesus says that the authority he gave Peter on that occasion, to make judgements on earth on behalf of heaven, he also gives to the whole church to use.

The second statement in 18:19-20, simply says the same thing, in a different way. This gathering of two or three in Jesus’ presence, isn’t primarily a prayer meeting, it is church members meeting. And what they gather to agree and ask about is a matter of church discipline, as is clear from the context here in Matthew 18, but also from what we see later in the Bible. For if you read 1 Corinthians 5, you see this whole process worked out in practice, and at the end of it, Paul calls the Corinthian church to remove one of their members who is clearly in unrepentant sin. And he tells them to do so, in 5:4, by gathering as a church and using the power of Jesus that is present with them. Just as Jesus speaks about here in 18:20.

It is from such passages, that we clearly see that the church family as a whole is responsible for matters of membership and discipline, for deciding who is and who is no longer a member of the church. For Jesus and Paul do not speak about a group outside the church making this decision (e.g. investigation team or higher authority). Nor even do they speak of a social group inside the church deciding who is and isn’t a member (e.g. eldership or leadership group). No, we see here that it is the whole church community are to come together to prayerfully consider the matter and act with authority, removing someone if necessary.

Historically, this step of removing a member from a church community, has been called ‘excommunication’. For that is what the word literally means, ‘ex-communing’, removing someone from a community. And we see here in Matthew 18, that this is what love sometimes looks like in a family. For just as love causes us to do discipline in our earthly families, it is love that will cause us to do such discipline in this heavenly family.

Now, of course, it is possible that this process is not carried out in love. That is unfortunately true in earthly families as well. Sometimes parents can sadly abuse the authority God gives them over their children, by disciplining maliciously or inappropriately. And unfortunately, that can happen in the church as well. Just as family discipline can be used wrongly, church discipline can also be used wrongly. And those who misuse God’s authority in such a way will one day have to give an account before the Father for their actions.

However, the fact that this process can be misused, must not mean that we fail to use it. Just because some parents misuse discipline, does not mean that we don’t disciple our children. No, it just means that we do it carefully, correctly. And the same is true in churches. For this process we see here in Matthew 18, is how we carry out the rescue plan of the Father. This is what love will sometimes look like in God’s family.

Church discipline is an act of love towards the wanderer. They need to know that by choosing their sin over the Saviour, they show they may not be his disciple and are in danger of perishing. For those who believe in Jesus, will gradually behave more and more like Jesus. It is an act of love towards each other as well. It warns those who remain in the family about the consequences of sin in our lives. And it is an act of love towards the world, for it stops them thinking that the Gospel has no power to change us, or that the character of Jesus is somehow seen in a life of unrepentant sin.

And so, what does love look like? Well, we see here in Matthew 18 that it looks like the cross – the love of the Father for the lost. And it looks like the church – the love of the family for the lost. For because the Father has loved us, we in his family must love one another.